Fear and Sequencing

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r_r
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2017 3:11 am

Fear and Sequencing

Post by r_r »

I didn't know where to post this so hopefully the General one is appropriate.

Hello all. I'm new to the forum and this style of yoga but I've been visiting the site quite a bit. I've been struggling with something for a number of years and something else for a week or two. I'm hoping someone here will have some insight. This is a two part post. The first part is a long story but I'll try to be brief.

1. About six years ago, I started to get serious about my study and practice of yoga. Well, what I consider serious anyway. Most of my knowledge has come from a Rodney Yee book supplemented with the internet. Based on a template Yee provided in his book and some trial and error, I came up with a sequence of poses that worked well for me and began a serious practice.

One of the poses I chose was wheel pose. I decided, for whatever reason, that I would eventually do wheel pose, however long it took. It took approximately two months. It wasn't pretty and I couldn't hold it for long, but I did it, and continued on with my practice.

Something miraculous happened along the way. I felt better, physically and mentally (various physical difficulties, anxiety, depression, etc.l), than I ever had before. This is probably pretty familiar to most of you. However there was something else.

My fear response was greatly reduced. I'm not saying my fear was replaced by love or that I went through the A.W.A.K.E. process to see that my fears weren't very realistic or that I was more brave and just able to overcome them. I'm saying that the response just wasn't there. Or greatly reduced.

As someone who has had pretty severe anxiety his whole life, this was...well, you can imagine. Wheel pose was responsible for most of it but there seemed to be a synergistic effect with the other poses as well. I've given a lot of thought to what exactly happened. Probably something to do with energy flow. Probably something to do with opening the body in the opposite way of what happens physically when we're afraid. Whatever the whys and hows, I had stumbled on a doorway to become a different person. Someone better. Someone more. There were some other interesting effects as well but this is already turning into a book.

Anyway, things were going really well and, as so often happens, I screwed it up. Some things happened and I was no longer able to do wheel. I was focused on other things at the time (a wild goose chase, it turned out) and didn't worry about it too much, but when I tried to later, I couldn't and I was never able to get back there again. I've been chasing what I had for over five years now, thinking about little else. It's become my white whale.

Recently, I finally gave up (well, the practice I was doing). I had heard about yin yoga a while ago and started reading up on it. I've done one proper session so far and I'm intrigued. I'm wondering it this might be another path to get where I'm trying to go.

Does anyone have any experience with this sort of thing? Or ideas how to get back there?

2. In that spirit, this is the sequence I've put together. I'm trying to regain that feeling I talked about above. I'm also trying to put together a complete practice (addressing all the meridians) without being excessively long. Here's what I've come up with:

Wrist circles
Butterfly
Sphinx
Camel (the modified version with the hands farther back)
Toe Squat
Bananasana
Reclined Twist
Savasana

I've started with two minute holds, or as much as I can. Each is followed by appropriate counterposes. I've also been doing dangling before bed for a while now, though I didn't call it that. Based on my knowledge (admittedly limited and mostly yang) this seems fairly complete. Wrists, feet, ankles, forward bend, backbend, side bend, twist, neck is covered with the last four. Would adding some yang movements be warranted?

Sorry the post is so long. I'm kind of desperate so if anyone has any guidance it would be much appreciated. Thanks.
Bernie
Posts: 1293
Joined: Sat Sep 23, 2006 2:25 am
Location: Vancouver

Post by Bernie »

Hi – thanks for the (long) post! ☺ I cannot address all your questions in one reply, as that would take a book! I would make one recommendation to start, however. Find a teacher! You can't watch yourself and a coach can see things you can't. She can also work with you to create a practice that really is tailored to your intentions. For example: the flow you created is great for the spine, but there is very little work in the hips there. You move the spine in all its 6 directions, but where are the external and internal rotations for the hips, where is the abduction and adduction? I don’t see any postures to work the Liver meridians.

There are a few postures that may work all 6 lower body meridians, (Proud Swan and High Flying Dragon), but usually, you need several poses to work all the meridians and this may not be practical in one yin yoga session: have multiple flows that you revisit over and over again. (See this page for some sample flows.)

Now, for "getting back" to where you were--why look back? Our bodies are constantly changing. We don't have our childhood body anymore. I don't have my teenage body, nor the body I had when I was 40. My life experiences are also changing: instead of looking back, why not look ahead? What do you need today to feel whole, grounded, peaceful, alive? Rather than chase the past (Wheel pose), why not investigate what works today? Again, get a teacher who can help you. You admit your experience is limited: you are just starting this practice. Would you expect to be a great piano player without a teacher to give you a solid grounding in the basics? The internet is great, but it can’t replace human insight. Find a teacher, share your intentions with him/her, and work together to experiment and create the practice that works for you.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes.
Cheers
Bernie
r_r
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2017 3:11 am

Post by r_r »

Thanks for responding Bernie.

After having experimented a bit more, I've decided a complete yin practice isn't for me. I am going to add some yin elements to what I was previously doing. Also, the stuff I've read on your site has shed some light on why what I've been doing the last few years has been unproductive. I approached it differently when I started.

As far as not looking back...I'm afraid I can't help it. As I said, it's my white whale. I caught a glimpse of something wondrous and I can't let go.

If you could try to answer one question for me though, I'd really appreciate it. Can you explain what exactly happened? The fearlessness aspect was interesting enough but there was more to it. Food tasted better. My senses were sharper. I was smarter. Reflexes were faster. Slept better. Needed less sleep. Gained weight (lean mass) despite eating less. I basically became a completely different person. It was almost like getting (mild) super powers. I've struggled to understand why but haven't come up with much.

Anyway, thanks for your time.
Bernie
Posts: 1293
Joined: Sat Sep 23, 2006 2:25 am
Location: Vancouver

Post by Bernie »

Sorry. I can't tell you what happened. Anything I would offer would be pure speculation, which could be counterproductive as it might send you off on a wild goose chase. Again, finding a spiritual teacher, or even a good psychotherapist would be useful...she/he could work with you, get to know you, and find out the way "back" to where you were and how to stay there. I have benefited in the past from such people, and I encourage you to open up to someone and explore the possibilities.

Cheers
Bernie
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